Hearbreakingly awful... - Star Wars: Episode II - Attack of the Clones Reviews

Let me say first that I grew up on the original trilogy; I've probably watched it so many times I can tell you what will happen (and most of the dialogue) from scene to scene. However, with "Attack of the Clones" and its predecessor, "Phantom Menace", only huge amounts of denial and blind Lucas-worship would allow me to describe them as anything but total crap. "Attack of the Clones" in particular depends almost entirely on special effects, along the way giving us probably the worst, most absurdly unimaginative dialogue ever filmed. A third grader could have written a better script. The absence of Liam Neeson--killed off in the first film--is tangible; not a single actress or actor in his film really shines as he did. Unlike "Phantom Menace", this film doesn't even have a redeeming showdown (wonderfully scored by John Williams's "Duel of the Fates"). What we're giving is a ridiculous overblown arena battle in which many Jedi are (convenient for Episode III) killed off, falling flat (and hard) because it's entirely unemotional and hugely computer-generated. Lucas apparently didn't learn from Episode I that watching obviously computer-generated figures kill each other is like watching someone else play a video game. And--oh, yeah--the bad guy, an evil count (gimme a break!) isn't even introduced until near the end of the movie, and he doesn't ooze even a tenth as much menace as Darth Maul. On that note, I personally find it unbelievable that Obi-Wan could take Darth Maul, but not the count. Then you have the fact that the count escapes at the end, allowing this movie no closure whatsoever. The only really mitigating factor was Yoda--computer-generated, yes, but twice the actor as anyone else. As much as I love Star Wars, I was tempted many times during this movie's unendurably flat dialogue and campy action sequences to get up and leave. I wish I had... I might have saved myself the feeling that I'd not only wasted a couple hours of my life, but squandered them on something that inevitably clouds my enjoyment of the rest of the Star Wars saga.